Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
Shop deviantART for the
holidays and save BIG!
Click here! :holly:
[x]

deviantART

:deviation:
 

itkeepsmeupatnight by ~rainbowsaur:iconrainbowsaur:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Human Nature > Open


Sometimes I wonder.



Do you notice me?



Am I seen as more? than just a nice girl
Am I more? than just the sweet one
that brings you candy on Halloween, when you forgot the date.

Why do I let you? talk over me
Why do I let you? ignore me
when I need attention, because I really can not stand to be invisible anymore

Will I ever be that person? that makes you whole
Will I ever be the person? that other girls are jealous of
because I got the guy, the one they wanted

Will I ever be able to tell you? I am more than what you see
Will I ever tell you? I get angry sometimes
you are always negative, and it does not make you cool



Sometimes I wonder.



I wonder if it matters.
©2008-2009 ~rainbowsaur
:iconrainbowsaur:

Author's Comments

Well, apparently, poetry is easier for me.


I still have this sad heaviness in my head like I forgot something.


Written for the Punctuation with a Purpose workshop.
[link]

1. Do you usually punctuate your poetry? Why/why not?
Yes, I do punctuate my poetry because it really moves the piece along and adds emphasis to certain things. I don't always punctuate the way you would, say an essay. My punctuation is for effect and to separate thoughts so it is closer to the way I think.

2. Are there lines in this poem where you were considering other punctuation (or no punctuation)? If so, what were you considering and why?
Well, I was considering using a colon instead of a period for the first line because the rest of the poem is a list of sorts. But, I wanted it more of a statement.

3. If this a new draft of an old poem, do you feel better about your choices this time, or do you feel as if you were forcing the punctuation use?
Well, it isn't! :3

4. Overall, what is the effect you would like this poem to have on the reader? In other words, what are you going for, here?
To see how a person (like me) an rest on a single thought for so long. To see how thoughts can be very disjointed, but at the same time, all flow together to be one thought.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconteablossom:
~TeaBlossom Nov 4, 2008, 6:41:47 AM
:'[[[

--
I'm a snake oil seller with big lips and a short skirt... You'd invest in Death if I told you too.
:iconrainbowsaur:
~rainbowsaur Nov 4, 2008, 11:21:53 AM
Meh.

--
    I have an itch under my skin and my head is empty
    I will fly until the fire goes out

    :earth:
:iconcyberphantom:
~CyberPhantom Nov 13, 2008, 6:19:00 AM
"I still have this sad heaviness in my head like I forgot something."

Know that feeling :hug:

Like the question marks. Little distracting at first, but it grew on me :)

--
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind - Dr. Seuss
:iconrainbowsaur:
~rainbowsaur Nov 13, 2008, 9:44:01 AM
:D

Thank you!!!

--
    I have an itch under my skin and my head is empty
    I will fly until the fire goes out

    :earth:
:iconlamonaca:
~LaMonaca Nov 16, 2008, 2:51:50 PM
Two things very quickly:

can not = cannot

and I would change the comma here: "because I got the guy, the one they wanted" to a dash, like so: "because I got the guy - the one they wanted"

For more in-depth information about your punctuation, be sure to check out the workshop guide. :3
:iconrainbowsaur:
~rainbowsaur Nov 17, 2008, 5:47:21 PM
hahaha
oops.
I knew that. :blushes:

Thank you!

--
    I have an itch under my skin and my head is empty
    I will fly until the fire goes out

    :earth:
Previous PageNext Page

Details

November 3, 2008
943 bytes

Statistics

6
3 [who?]
107 (0 today)
4 (0 today)

Site Map

©2009 deviantART. All rights reserved
About Us | Contact Us | Site Tour | Help & FAQ Advertise | Services Etiquette | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Copyright Policy